After I finished posting last night I went downstairs to Damian's room, John and John were there and the three of them were watching band of brothers so I joined them. Lots of shooting and people dying. It was great.
Anyway I couldn't concentrate very much and decided to go up and call Bryce from my room. So I went upstairs, sat on my bed for a couple of minutes and decided I didn't want to call him. So I went to his room instead. Stood outside the door for a good 10 seconds before I had the courage to knock. He unlocked the door which is a sign that he didn't really want to talk to anyone since it was locked in the first place. I went inside, stood at the door and asked if he had a problem with me.
He seems to think that he does everything in this relationship. What does he want me to do? Buy him a chicken to show that I care? Oh wait, i've already done that. I don't know. I'm trying. But this is my first anything and i'm finding it kind of difficult. He's never once asked if I wanted to go out to civic, or to a party on his floor. I've never been invited to anything like that. Once they were talking about a cocktail party on Rtop in front of me and one of the girls invited me but I declined. He was right there next to me, not even a "you should come" or "yeah do you want to?". We hang out together but we never really go out together. It's always him going out with his friends or me going out with my friends. I invited him to the labour club with the guys once but he claimed he had work to do but when I dropped the paper up to him just before we were going to leave he was lying on his bed watching tv. I invited him to McDonalds when megan was up, but he did look very tired so he didn't come.
He didn't want to talk about the issue last night because he said it wasn't a major issue and if we talk about it it will become one. He said if it becomes a major issue we'll talk about it. But I think if it caused us to sit in a room and say nothing for two hours then it's a bit of an issue. And if it caused me to have weird dreams with him in them last night then it's a bit of an issue. I think his head was sticking out of the sink and he was talking mainly mumbo jumbo about 'super 3' which is mixing three beers together and then driving to the library and playing some kind of games.
I've cried four times since i've been at uni. Three of those times it's been because of him. But I suppose that's how it's supposed to work.
So after our little 'conversation' (I only stayed for 10 minutes) I went back down and watched more TV with the boys. We hadn't resolved anything so i'm still in the same state of mind about the whole situation that I was during the 2hour silence.
Have I not being taking any initiative with the relationship? You guys know me pretty well, i'm not pushy, i dont like to be pushy, I try not to be pushy. I called him three times yesterday to ask if he wanted to watch Supernatural with me, the first time I asked him outright and he dropped in for about 10 minutes about 30 minutes after I called, he was on his way to the labour club to play 2up. The second time I called I was totally freaked out by the scary-ness of the show and he pretty much said "good luck" coz he was about to go cook dinner.
I don't know how much of my opinion of my personality is true. I could be nothing like the person I think I am.
I've only had that 'depressed' feeling once this year. Got it last thursday when I was happy my knives are all in the kitchen, and when I sat in the bottom of my wardrobe watching Gilmore Girls for a couple of hours. I used to get it all the time through school, it probably developed for me around year 9, maybe 10 and went all throughout highschool. Got pretty bad in year 12. Something snapped in my at Uni though. My confidence went way high and I was happy. It's kinda dropped back down now. I'm feeling very EMO at the moment. It's just a feeling of complete worthlessness. I feel that i'm a terrible person and that everybody is better than me. A bit part of it is self-image, I generally feel that i'm ugly and fat and all those horrible things which makes me feel terrible.
I don't really want to talk to anyone when i'm in that mood. When I was at home I used to sit under my desk (year 11 phase mainly) or go down to the bush and sit for a while (year 12). I would blast Bon Jovi if I was angry or Evanescence if I was upset (which was generally the case).
Wow, this conversation is total over-share. You guys really don't need to know about this part of my personality.
My Photo Album
"Having lunch in a park in Zealand"
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"Glacier Climbing in NZ"
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"Jet Boating with the family in NZ"
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"Making a card tower on the ferry crossing in NZ"
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"The Soda Fountain"
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"Hole in the Rock"
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"Old Cromwell Town"
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"On top of Franz Josef Glacier"
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"Kiss for the Rock'n'Roll Gender Bender"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Chev, Alicia and John"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Alicia and Me"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Marissa"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Phillllllliiiiippp"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Timmy"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - John John"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Another John"
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"Ghost Drop Girls"
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"Lounging around @ SusSEX"
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"Rosie Hammocking"
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"Kath fell asleep in the sunshine"
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"Caitlin's Bday @ Moose"
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"The boys bonding"
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"Caitlin & Matthew"
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"The family @ Mitch's 21st"
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"Case & I @ Op Shop '06"
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"The boys visiting Berra"
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"Chicken & his Daddy watching the footy"
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"Drunk on Midori"
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"Boring Bar Night"
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"Caitlin and Me at the Bar"
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"Ressies Ball '06"
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"P-top common room"
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"Mitchie's Graduation!!"
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"The 'rents were so proud"
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"Smiling Faces"
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"Kath's first visit @ the bus stop"
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"Damo's Birthday Dinner '06"
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"Yummy Yummy Yummy Pasta"
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"Caitlin Snorting"
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"John & Diane @ Moose"
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"Traffic Light Party"
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"Moustache Men"
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"Pizza Boy"
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"I tried to eat Caitlin's ear"
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"Johnny Boy"
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"Checkers after I.Love"
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"P.A.D"
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"Ben & Timmy"
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Tunes to keep you busy
A Quick Wilson Quiz
"You can't stop the beat" - Hairspray
TRACY
You cant stop an avalanche
As it races down the hill
You can try to stop the seasons, girl
But ya know you never will
And you can try to stop my dancin' feet
But i just cannot stand still
Cause the world keeps spinnin'
Round and round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
TRACY & LINK
Cause you can't stop the beat
Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that i can today
'Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But i never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you cant stop the beat!
PENNY
You can't stop a river
As it rushes to the sea
SEAWEED
You can try and stop the hands of time
But ya know it just can't be
PENNY
And if they try to stop us, Seaweed,
I'll call the N Double A C P
Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
PENNY & SEAWEED
Cause you can't stop the beat
PENNY & SEAWEED
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a saturday night
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
What I'm dreamin' of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
Cause you cant stop the beat!
EDNA
You cant stop my happiness
Cause i like the way i am
And you just can't stop my knife and fork
When i see a christmas ham
So if you don't like the way i look
Well, i |ust don't give a damn!
EDNA & ENSEMBLE
Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
EDNA & COMPANY
'Cause you cant stop the beat
Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that i can today
Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But i never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you cant stop the beat!
MOTORMOUTH
Oh oh oh
You can't stop today
As it comes speeding down the track
Child, yesterday is hist'ry
And it's never coming back
MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day
MOTORMOUTH
And it don't know white from black
ENSEMBLE
Yeah!
MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
'Cause you cant stop the beat
ALL
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a saturday night
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop ths paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
You can't stop the beat!
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
ALL
Ever since we first saw the sun
A man and woman like to shake it when the day is done
But we're gonna shake and shimmy it
And have some fun
For today!
ALL
Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
my name is wilson
I'm one of those people who prefers to be out the back of the shoe store packing away boxes and ordering shoes rather than serving customers. I'm allergic to nothing and yet
I avoid things that i'm not used to. I fell in love once and to be loved is the most wonderful feeling in the entire world. I hold on to stereotypes of myself from years
ago not realising how much i've changed. I've taken two steps toward being independent but am nowhere near the stage most people are at my age. I crave attention but at
the same time hate getting it. I like my privacy and my space and miss having a big backyard to wander in. I want to do everything but make no effort to do anything
and then complain about it. I love to laugh and to make other people laugh at me. I can't stand being serious or when somebody else is crying and I can't do anything
to make them feel better. I want to be held when I cry. I want to be spoilt and to lie in bed forever with someone who i've given my heart to.
