You know how in the early years of high school or even in primary school a boy and a girl kinda go out a bit and then one of them doesn't want to go out with the other anymore so they just stop talking to the other person instead of actually having some balls and telling them that they don't want to see them anymore. And usually the person finds out from someone else at school that they've been ditched.
Well i've just been ditched.
And i'm kinda pissed coz he didn't even have the guts to just say, "nah it was just a bit of fun but it's over now". But no, a friend of mine spoke to Paul last night and told me today that paul said it wasn't gonna go anywhere. And that's fine coz I didn't really expect it to go anywhere but it woulda been nice for him to let me know so I wouldn't look stupid in front of all of my friends who are also his friends.
On another note, yesterday morning i woke up with a bad cold (again) so work was horrible but they sent me home early coz it was quiet, so i had a little nap and woke up and then decided to drink... a lot. We played drinking games on r-top and i drank a bottle of white wine there... then i had a glass of goon and blackcurrent juice, then at the lighty i had about five vodka and raspberries, i dropped two of them. One of them was bought for me by the guy next to me at the bar. He told me he was a professional rugby player. I wasn't trying to get him to buy me the drink and i did tell him more than once that he didn't have to. But it was really nice of him. I wore my brown boots which I havent worn before and they didn't hurt or maybe i didn't notice, i didn't wear a jacket to the lighty and i dont remember being cold. But I slipped on the floor at some point because it was slippery and my boots we're slippery too. It was rather embarassing.
I was really really drink. Sent Casey a text saying that he was the guy i wanted, he knew i was drunk, so he replied this morning. He thought I accidentally sent it to him and was trying to send it to paul. I messaged him and told him that yeah i did mean to send it to him but asked him if we could forget about it because i was really drunk. He never replied so now I intend to forget about it.
Woke up at 9:30 this morning. Threw up until 3:30. Ate some pizza at about 7pm. I'm hungry but I still feel a little sick so i'm trying to think of something simple to eat.
And i'm in a shame spiral of asking myself what's wrong with me that he doesn't want to go out with me. Grumpy. Sad. And. Angry. That's me at the moment.
05 August 2007
So i've decided that never again will I date someone who I am friends with, or whom i live with, or whom is a friend of a friend. From now on dating is reserved only for people who I randomly meet on the street.
I'm upset about Paul. He's ignoring me. I left him a message on his room phone two days ago and he hasn't called me back. I was hanging out with Caitlin in John's room two nights ago and whenever he walked past he walked fast and didn't look into the room at all. I'm actually kinda upset. Which is fairly ridiculous because this was never a serious thing and it was just starting out and I was gonna start slow and let it happen and not get totally emotional about the whole thing. The last time he called me was thursday morning at 2am. He put on his accent and said his normal "do you want me to come over and say hello?" which in paul language means "can i come over and we can have sex coz im drunk and horny?" He called me about 8ish times. I picked up about 4 of those times. Twice he got to the point of asking if he could come over. 4 times i hung up on him. I understand how that could have hurt his feelings and he may not want to speak to me. But he was booty calling me which is something that i do NOT do and I don't remember the last time he called me when he was sober. So i'm feeling rather hurt and used and rejected and it's ridiculous because i'm always on r-top and he's always on r-top and neither of us live there. I just want him to call me even if it's just to say that all he wants is some fun and then i would say well i hate having fun and then we could go our separate ways. That would be fine. It's this sitting here and thinking that he is complete asshole who won't call me that's killing me. I'm even doing the stupid girl thing and thinking "what's wrong with me that he doesn't want to make a little effort and maybe hang out with me once and a while?".
And it's the same situation as with casey last year coz paul and i have all the same friends... actually paul is better friends with jeff, just like casey was, and good friends with big john, just like casey was, so there is no way i can escape him and i don't even have anyone to flirt with to make him jealous coz i really can't think of anybody i want to flirt with at the moment.
Today was my first day in 2 weeks that i haven't had either work or uni and i've completely wasted the day hoping paul would call me. I am supposed to be better than that. And it sucks too because the more I think of how wrong paul is for me the more i think of how good casey and i were and how much i screwed that up. so i'm making myself feel even worse about the entire situation. and i'm going away with case in a month and he said he wants to give me a big hug and he said that he should be fine with me being around even if he's had 20 drinks but i know that i won't be fine if i've had 20 drinks. actually if i've had 20 drinks i would probably be trying to kiss everyone.
somebody wrote "I heart you" on the whiteboard on my door which was nice, it was either chev or akemi i think so that made me feel very good about myself... or just less bad about myself. i keep venturing up to r-top in the hope of running into paul but there are always stacks of people around so it's not like i could yell at him anyway... I totally should though...
I've been over-uni-working myself lately. Here's my schedule Monday - Work 11 to 4, Uni 4:30 to 8pm Tuesday - Uni 9:30 to 6:30pm Wednesday - Work 12 to 5:30pm Thursday - Class 1:30 to 2:30pm, Library 2:3o to 7pm Friday - Class 12:30 to 2:30pm, Library 2:30 to 5pm Saturday - Work 12 to 5pm
That was what I did this past week. Yeah I actually sat in the Library until 7pm last thursday... and my class finished early so I was there for 5 hours. Almost killed myself. And I still feel behind with all my assignments, I have a presentation to do this tuesday that i've barely done and have to finish tonight because tomorrow I won't be home unil 8:15pm and then once i've had dinner and wound down a bit from the day it's like 10pm and i'm exhausted. And I have two essays that i have not started due in 3 weeks and an assignment that i have to progressively do every day that starts tomorrow and is due after the holidays.
I like living in the library. See I had planned this semester perfectly, Cassie told me that Gina was gonna be working wednesdays so wednesday was gonna be my free day where i could go to the library and do all my tute work for the week. This would mean that I would have to work friday nights or saturdays which I said would be fine. But because the city store doesn't have enough staff at the moment Gina isn't working wednesdays yet so somehow i've gotten roped into doing mondays, wednesdays AND doing saturdays at the moment. Last week I worked sunday too which was a shocker. I'm spending heaps of money at the moment so working extra is good because i'm getting the cash but my bank account still seems to keep going down. It's very frustrating. I dont' know where all the money is going. But i'm gonna have to start saving coz this QLD holiday is gonna cost a bomb in grog money i reckon. Accommodation is gonna sweep my bank account empty so i may have some problems. I think i'll just have to shop-smart from now on. No junk food, no takeout, no grog money until the holiday. I should be able to manage it alright.
My Photo Album
"Having lunch in a park in Zealand"
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"Glacier Climbing in NZ"
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"Jet Boating with the family in NZ"
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"Making a card tower on the ferry crossing in NZ"
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"The Soda Fountain"
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"Hole in the Rock"
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"Old Cromwell Town"
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"On top of Franz Josef Glacier"
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"Kiss for the Rock'n'Roll Gender Bender"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Chev, Alicia and John"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Alicia and Me"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Marissa"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Phillllllliiiiippp"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Timmy"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - John John"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Another John"
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"Ghost Drop Girls"
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"Lounging around @ SusSEX"
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"Rosie Hammocking"
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"Kath fell asleep in the sunshine"
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"Caitlin's Bday @ Moose"
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"The boys bonding"
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"Caitlin & Matthew"
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"The family @ Mitch's 21st"
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"Case & I @ Op Shop '06"
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"The boys visiting Berra"
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"Chicken & his Daddy watching the footy"
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"Drunk on Midori"
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"Boring Bar Night"
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"Caitlin and Me at the Bar"
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"Ressies Ball '06"
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"P-top common room"
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"Mitchie's Graduation!!"
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"The 'rents were so proud"
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"Smiling Faces"
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"Kath's first visit @ the bus stop"
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"Damo's Birthday Dinner '06"
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"Yummy Yummy Yummy Pasta"
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"Caitlin Snorting"
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"John & Diane @ Moose"
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"Traffic Light Party"
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"Moustache Men"
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"Pizza Boy"
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"I tried to eat Caitlin's ear"
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"Johnny Boy"
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"Checkers after I.Love"
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"P.A.D"
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"Ben & Timmy"
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Tunes to keep you busy
A Quick Wilson Quiz
"You can't stop the beat" - Hairspray
TRACY
You cant stop an avalanche
As it races down the hill
You can try to stop the seasons, girl
But ya know you never will
And you can try to stop my dancin' feet
But i just cannot stand still
Cause the world keeps spinnin'
Round and round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
TRACY & LINK
Cause you can't stop the beat
Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that i can today
'Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But i never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you cant stop the beat!
PENNY
You can't stop a river
As it rushes to the sea
SEAWEED
You can try and stop the hands of time
But ya know it just can't be
PENNY
And if they try to stop us, Seaweed,
I'll call the N Double A C P
Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
PENNY & SEAWEED
Cause you can't stop the beat
PENNY & SEAWEED
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a saturday night
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
What I'm dreamin' of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
Cause you cant stop the beat!
EDNA
You cant stop my happiness
Cause i like the way i am
And you just can't stop my knife and fork
When i see a christmas ham
So if you don't like the way i look
Well, i |ust don't give a damn!
EDNA & ENSEMBLE
Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
EDNA & COMPANY
'Cause you cant stop the beat
Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that i can today
Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But i never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you cant stop the beat!
MOTORMOUTH
Oh oh oh
You can't stop today
As it comes speeding down the track
Child, yesterday is hist'ry
And it's never coming back
MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day
MOTORMOUTH
And it don't know white from black
ENSEMBLE
Yeah!
MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
'Cause you cant stop the beat
ALL
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a saturday night
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop ths paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
You can't stop the beat!
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
ALL
Ever since we first saw the sun
A man and woman like to shake it when the day is done
But we're gonna shake and shimmy it
And have some fun
For today!
ALL
Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
my name is wilson
I'm one of those people who prefers to be out the back of the shoe store packing away boxes and ordering shoes rather than serving customers. I'm allergic to nothing and yet
I avoid things that i'm not used to. I fell in love once and to be loved is the most wonderful feeling in the entire world. I hold on to stereotypes of myself from years
ago not realising how much i've changed. I've taken two steps toward being independent but am nowhere near the stage most people are at my age. I crave attention but at
the same time hate getting it. I like my privacy and my space and miss having a big backyard to wander in. I want to do everything but make no effort to do anything
and then complain about it. I love to laugh and to make other people laugh at me. I can't stand being serious or when somebody else is crying and I can't do anything
to make them feel better. I want to be held when I cry. I want to be spoilt and to lie in bed forever with someone who i've given my heart to.
