I probably only blog when i'm depressed. And I apologise for that but when i'm depressed I like to vent or bitch. And I do assure you that I am happy occasionally, i mean not right at the moment. But occasionally.
I'm really depressed at the moment. And it's shitting me because I have heaps of work to do and I don't have time to have days like today when I do nothing and feel gross and waste time. I don't have any time to waste at the moment.
See we were going to get chinese tonight. I sms'd caitlin yesterday at lunch time and asked her if she wanted to get chinese last night and she said she'd prefer tonight so I said that's fine. But I called her at 6 tonight and she said she didn't want to and that made me grumpy (i know, i'm really selfish) coz I don't actually have any food. So I had some dry nutragrain for dinner because I don't actually have enough foods to make any kind of meal. I had eggs for breakfast/lunch and even then I had to steal someone else's bread from the freezer in the kitchen. I skipped dinner yesterday as well but I figured that'd be okay coz I could have eggs this morning and then chinese tonight. So i'm grumpy. And everybody else piked on the chinese too. And it's heaps far to walk and I didn't particularly want to go by myself.
I'm thinking of not going to the Gold Coast. I know i've paid $122 already for airfares, but I haven't paid for accommodation yet so there is some time to cancel. I just really don't think I can go and sleep in the same room as my ex-boyfriend without wanting something to happen and then be thoroughly dissappointed when nothing happened and then feeling crappy for the entire holiday. And I invited him to my nan's birthday party in sydney on the sunday after but then I sms'd and uninvited him (i know it's rude but it was the right thing to do and he will understand) coz I thought i'd be too weird. So as far as Casey goes I have two options 1) to be in a relationship with him. 2) to never speak to him again. I'm thinking the second option is the more likely, even though it will be really difficult, especially with him moving back into the building next year. Maybe i'll take a year off next year, work for a while and earn some money. Money is nice. I could move back in with my parents and they could feed me. They haven't called in like a week, last I heard they were in ireland but now i have no idea. Hope they're okay.
I'm still angry at Paul which is annoying the crap out of me coz being angry at somebody really sucks. It's not like he knows i'm angry at him or anything, i'm a good angry person like that.
I'm just so busy at the moment. There are two more weeks of class before we go on holidays. I have two essays due and a test in the last week before break. One essay is almost finished the other is not even started. The test needs lots and lots and lots of study. And when i've done those I have a business law assignment due after the break, a leadership group assignment which is a 2500 word essay due second week of october, test every week in my ob tute, an investments assignment i'm supposed to be doing daily as of this past week, and I also have to go to the doctor, fix my pants, buy sunglasses, get my legs waxed, and somehow learn to feed myself properly. Maybe it doesn't sound like that much to you. But i'm kinda drowning. And Jasha's going out of the country soon and there is no way I can get through all my work to see him before he leaves. It sucks. And I was planning on going to see High School Musical with the girls for my birthday but I don't think I want to do that anymore. I'm having massive money problems at the moment and I don't know how to stop spending.
I just want to not exist for a little while so I can de-stress myself. And I know crying about it doesn't do anything except make me feel worse and give me headaches and make my eyes all red but i'm doing it anyway.
I sat in the library at uni for 6 hours last thursday, a new record for me. I went to the library 4 out of 5 days last week just to get work done, the only reason I didn't go on wednesday is that by the time I got back from work and had something to eat and showered it was 7 and i didn't particularly want to walk up to uni in the dark because, yes, people get attacked on my campus. Oddly enough I don't really mind walking back home at 9 o'clock at night, it's just doing the two-way walk thing that freaks me out.
I have the biggest headache and i've already had two nurofen, i'm seriously thinking of taking another two and washing them down with some vodka.
Chev and John and I hung out on John's bed last night. We tried to pick something to do for about an hour until we just ended up doing stacks-on on John and then we stayed there. Sat around chatting and looking at photos, trying to drink rum straight but it was absolutely disgusting. John had his burbon.
Chev is probably the most creative/resourceful/odd person I know. He made this very strange concoction a couple of days ago, i'm not exactly sure what was in it but it was rum and port in a pumpkin that he had hollowed out. Then you're supposed to leave it in the sun for a couple of days and then drink it. Apparently it's very potent. He couldn't get all the seeds out so you have to drink some and then spit them out. He's also famous for his peanut-butter traps and banana-bombs.
I'm listening to "it's raining men" (the original version) and I have decided that I hate men. They're just not any good. I'm talking about in the boyfriend/lover/significant other capacity, I have plenty of guy friends and I love you all but as partners you guys suck. Okay it's true I have limited experience in this field but pretty much all the guys/potential guys i've been with have just not understood anything about women. And I know that's not their fault and I know women know little about men but i'm still gonna complain.
I can't believe i'm so cynical for someone so young, but love is for losers and I have to say that I am yet to be impressed by any man.
I would really really really just like to have a breakdown about now. Ellie was all depessed last wednesday and she kept saying "everybody hates me" (drunk) and there were people giving her hugs and saying that they didn't hate her and I thought that was nice of them. Cept i'm not allowed to have a break down because I won't let myself . I can't even see my scars from when I used to cut myself ages ago. Feels like forever ago. No need to worry coz I will never do it again now because it's "emo-trendy" and I have this hatred for anything trendy.
Work tomorrow... with fuschia, she's hopeless apparently. Three customers complained about her last week on friday (I wasn't there but I was told) and i've heard about two other complaints on different occasions. Shouldn't be busy though, it's only 5 hours and the extra pay check is needed, rather than just being a nice bonus. Gotta find a new job for next year, dont think Novo's gonna want me back after the christmas break coz they'll have hired someone else. I think mother wants me to pick a shop where I can work at home over christmas. See I would prefer to have my christmas full of lazyness but I spose earning money while i have free time would be smart. Although my main point about a christmas job still stands, public transport sucks in my area, and a (will then be) 20 year old getting dropped to work by her parents is worse than pathetic. Here it's fine because driving isn't an issue and even if I could drive I wouldn't buy a car because I really don't need one. But when i'm at home it just sucks.
Wondering if I can afford to go to Mackay in december for John's birthday... flights probably gonna be heaps expensive but I would really like to go and it is his 21st.
Just played spider solitare for 20minutes... and i still hate the world. Geez if spider solitare didn't cure me I think i should probably try and get some sleep. No encouraging words necessary, I only need me to fix me.
My Photo Album
"Having lunch in a park in Zealand"
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"Glacier Climbing in NZ"
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"Jet Boating with the family in NZ"
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"Making a card tower on the ferry crossing in NZ"
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"The Soda Fountain"
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"Hole in the Rock"
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"Old Cromwell Town"
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"On top of Franz Josef Glacier"
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"Kiss for the Rock'n'Roll Gender Bender"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Chev, Alicia and John"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Alicia and Me"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Marissa"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Phillllllliiiiippp"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Timmy"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - John John"
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"Heaven'n'Hell - Another John"
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"Ghost Drop Girls"
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"Lounging around @ SusSEX"
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"Rosie Hammocking"
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"Kath fell asleep in the sunshine"
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"Caitlin's Bday @ Moose"
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"The boys bonding"
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"Caitlin & Matthew"
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"The family @ Mitch's 21st"
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"Case & I @ Op Shop '06"
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"The boys visiting Berra"
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"Chicken & his Daddy watching the footy"
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"Drunk on Midori"
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"Boring Bar Night"
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"Caitlin and Me at the Bar"
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"Ressies Ball '06"
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"P-top common room"
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"Mitchie's Graduation!!"
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"The 'rents were so proud"
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"Smiling Faces"
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"Kath's first visit @ the bus stop"
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"Damo's Birthday Dinner '06"
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"Yummy Yummy Yummy Pasta"
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"Caitlin Snorting"
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"John & Diane @ Moose"
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"Traffic Light Party"
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"Moustache Men"
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"Pizza Boy"
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"I tried to eat Caitlin's ear"
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"Johnny Boy"
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"Checkers after I.Love"
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"P.A.D"
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"Ben & Timmy"
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Tunes to keep you busy
A Quick Wilson Quiz
"You can't stop the beat" - Hairspray
TRACY
You cant stop an avalanche
As it races down the hill
You can try to stop the seasons, girl
But ya know you never will
And you can try to stop my dancin' feet
But i just cannot stand still
Cause the world keeps spinnin'
Round and round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
TRACY & LINK
Cause you can't stop the beat
Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that i can today
'Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But i never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you cant stop the beat!
PENNY
You can't stop a river
As it rushes to the sea
SEAWEED
You can try and stop the hands of time
But ya know it just can't be
PENNY
And if they try to stop us, Seaweed,
I'll call the N Double A C P
Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
PENNY & SEAWEED
Cause you can't stop the beat
PENNY & SEAWEED
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a saturday night
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
What I'm dreamin' of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
Cause you cant stop the beat!
EDNA
You cant stop my happiness
Cause i like the way i am
And you just can't stop my knife and fork
When i see a christmas ham
So if you don't like the way i look
Well, i |ust don't give a damn!
EDNA & ENSEMBLE
Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
EDNA & COMPANY
'Cause you cant stop the beat
Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that i can today
Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But i never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you cant stop the beat!
MOTORMOUTH
Oh oh oh
You can't stop today
As it comes speeding down the track
Child, yesterday is hist'ry
And it's never coming back
MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day
MOTORMOUTH
And it don't know white from black
ENSEMBLE
Yeah!
MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
'Cause you cant stop the beat
ALL
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a saturday night
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop ths paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
You can't stop the beat!
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
ALL
Ever since we first saw the sun
A man and woman like to shake it when the day is done
But we're gonna shake and shimmy it
And have some fun
For today!
ALL
Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
my name is wilson
I'm one of those people who prefers to be out the back of the shoe store packing away boxes and ordering shoes rather than serving customers. I'm allergic to nothing and yet
I avoid things that i'm not used to. I fell in love once and to be loved is the most wonderful feeling in the entire world. I hold on to stereotypes of myself from years
ago not realising how much i've changed. I've taken two steps toward being independent but am nowhere near the stage most people are at my age. I crave attention but at
the same time hate getting it. I like my privacy and my space and miss having a big backyard to wander in. I want to do everything but make no effort to do anything
and then complain about it. I love to laugh and to make other people laugh at me. I can't stand being serious or when somebody else is crying and I can't do anything
to make them feel better. I want to be held when I cry. I want to be spoilt and to lie in bed forever with someone who i've given my heart to.
